“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (ESV)

Have you ever had a moment or moments where you look back at something you said or something you did to your child and you freeze and think to yourself, “I can’t believe I just did that?”  We probably all have experienced a “not so good moment,” and it breaks our heart to know that we’ve hurt our own children.  When I am having one of my moments, I do not act like my normal, sweet self.  My family has named this person NeNe.   NeNe doesn’t come out but once or twice a year.  ONE of my not so good moments took place a few weeks after Jacob returned to school after his injury.

Anyone who knows Jacob, knows that he is usually wearing a pressed button down, boots, and a belt buckle. In 2015, about 5 months after Jacob’s injury, Jacob was getting ready for school. At the time, he didn’t have fine motor skills, so I had to help him button his shirts and his buckle on his belt.  We were running late for school, he was full dressed, as we are walking to the door, Jacob says, “mom, this is not the belt I wanted.” So he walks back to his room looking for his belt buckle.  I’m thinking,  I have not slept well in a while, I’ve got to get to work, and we are running so late. With zero patience, teeth pressed together, I look at him and say, “Jacob, not today, we are late, let’s go.”  We go back and forth for a minute, then I lose it…  I snatch the belt to undo it and forcefully sling the belt off of him which causes him to loose his balance.  I will never forget the look in his eyes.  I will never forget how broken-hearted I was in my not so good moment.

“He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.” Psalms 103:10 (NLT)

As I arrived in the school parking lot, I hold in the tears.  I clock in and see two of my close friends, Trish McVay and Jennifer Jones and I fall to pieces.  They comforted me and pulled me back together. I called my husband, Nicky, and my son, Nick, and told them what I had done. It felt good to get it out and I was so thankful to be comforted in a time when I felt I was the worst mom I could be. I couldn’t wait to get home to apologize to Jacob. When I arrived home, I was so thankful to see my son smiling.  Jacob always creates humor during conflict to lighten the situation.

Forgiveness can be really difficult when someone hurts us. I am so grateful that God is always working in our hearts, in the hearts of our children, and in our “NeNe moments” so that we grow from our not so good moments.  I am so thankful that Jacob understood what happened that day and that it came from a stressful time.  I’m so Grateful that he forgave me and didn’t hold it against me which is what God does when we ask for forgiveness.  God is who he says he is, and there has never been a moment that I haven’t felt loved by him. He’s always showing up.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (ESV)

Counting My Blessings,

Susan Browder

https://youtu.be/0apupwTkof0  Micah Tyler -Never Been a Moment