“A Place in My Life”

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

August the 18th was my mom’s birthday. Next month will mark 26 years the I have been without my mom. I “lost” her when I was 23 years old. She was 48. This was the first time I ever experienced a loss that forever changed my life. At age 23, I never gave it a second thought my mom would not be on this earth with me to experience my college graduation, the birth of my children, raising my son’s, going to all of their sporting events, vacations, and holidays. I thought my mom was here to stay and see me through most of my life. I thought I would get to see her grow old and then it would be my time to take care of her.

I was there on the first night in the hospital with her by myself. I had never heard my mother complain about pain and she never asked for help. That night she was in severe pain. I can still remember exactly what she said to me. I had just drifted off when I heard, “I really hate to wake you, but can you put some pillows under my legs and call the nurse? I can’t stand the pain any longer.” I knew the pain must have been unbearable because I had never heard anything close to this from my mom.

I really never had to worry about my mom. This was a first. I honestly, for the first time in my life, was terribly worried about her life. Early that morning, I could not stop crying. My mom had been taken back for tests. Doctors were trying to determine where her pain in the stomach was coming from. A male nurse, my mom’s nurse, walked over to me to calm me down. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Sweetheart, your mom is not going to die. She is going to be fine.” I was so relieved to hear these words and because someone in the medical field said it to me, it was so.

A week went by, and mom’s conditioned worsened. We were told, during her biopsy, the doctor nicked her bowel. This had poisoned her blood. She went downhill very fast. It became so horrible to walk in her room and see her. She was sedated, but was also diagnosed with ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome). The ventilator was pumping oxygen into her body, but fluid was building up which kept the air from going into her lungs. This caused her to swell all over. She was unrecognizable. She looked like she had been beaten all over her body.

Two weeks after my mom was admitted to the hospital, she died. We were all called in and were told that this was it. The lady who was more than a mom to me and who had been there with me my entire life, would no longer be by my side. The person I talked to several times a day, was no longer there to call. My biggest fan and the person who guided me through life, would no longer be there to ask for advice.

I can still take myself back to that early morning on September 18, 1996. I can still feel the same pain in my chest, the lump in my throat, and the tears start. If my mom were here today, I can certainly tell you where she would be: She would be in my classroom when I needed her, cooking me food and spoiling me, giving me advice knowing that I probably would not be taking it, and she would be a constant in Nick’s and Jacob’s life and never miss a thing. That’s who she was. She never missed a thing.

So why am I sharing this story with you in my devotional entitled, “A Place In My Life?”

After this huge loss in my life, I allowed Jesus “A Place In My Life.” This is his rightful place. I have experienced numerous trials since my mom’s death. I have realized, I am so much more powerful now that God has a place in my life.

Counting My Blessings,

Susan Browder

Just to Be with You – Third Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt4G4becsWs