I John 5:14-15
13-15 My purpose in writing is simply this: that you who believe in God’s Son will know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have eternal life, the reality and not the illusion. And how bold and free we then become in his presence, freely asking according to his will, sure that he’s listening. And if we’re confident that he’s listening, we know that what we’ve asked for is as good as ours.
The Message (MSG)
On August 1, 2018, I asked the Lord to search my heart. WHAT? WAS. I. THINKING? He wasted no time in going right to work. UGH! Really? Do I have this much ugly still in me?
I am working through an online writing course and instead of starting where I think they should, with the basics of grammar and outline and punctuation, the developers are starting with our call by God to write, and our personal spiritual battle plan. Can you feel my angst? Let’s just invite the enemy to come make life miserable why don’t we? (Yes, sarcasm is an art in my family!)
I was asked to put on paper the “lies I believe” and then counter attack the lies with the Word of God, which is EXACTLY how Jesus did battle with the enemy. (Matthew 4:1-11) I am feeling a bit slow on the uptake right now.
The first thing revealed to me is a long-standing battle for my entire sibling group. A mother with the best of intentions (to teach humility from an early age) had her words twisted by the enemy who we did not even know existed. (Ephesians 6:12) The words we heard were keep yourself small and any success to yourself so you “won’t get the big head.” Translation-don’t be prideful. Pride in scripture is the worst of sins. It is to be avoided at all costs. A lesson we all need to learn! However, according to God’s Word, we are created in God’s image and creativity is His nature and He gave this to us. He has dominion over creation and He has shared this with us and the LORD called His creation “GOOD!”. (Genesis 1-2) He is worthy of praise (Psalms 96:4, 145:3) and desires good things for His children. (Matthew 7:11) Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us “For I know the plans I have for your, plans to prosper you and give you a hope and a future.”
I wrote on the FB page of our merry band of struggling writers Brene’ Brown’s powerful words about how we “engineer our lives to stay small” out of fear of success. This has been the story of my life. Despite my attempts to stay “invisible” as one of my friends puts it, God has put me center stage more than once.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame
- I awoke the morning of August 2, from a dream. I rarely dream. This was vivid and will not soon be forgotten. I was sitting around a table with high school classmates. Not the ones I know cared, but all the ones who spoke negativity into my life in words as well as actions: not being included in conversations, not invited to parties, not making the cheer squad because I was not popular, and on it goes. Also at the table in this dream were members of my extended family. As I sat at the table, not a single soul spoke, they only stared at me. When I opened my eyes I felt small, insignificant, unloved, unwanted, unseen, like a “wallflower,” and judged. These are feelings the enemy has used to keep me “under raps.” I wish I could make sense of why we carry these scars for so long when often they are UNINTENTIONAL and our rational self knows this but the memories burn deep. The enemy just knows what weapon of mass distraction to use and when to push the red button. For distraction is all it takes to destroy us. (Post from Mar. 7, 2018: Wrestling with God: Distractions)
Posting my ponderings (my reasons for writing echoes I John 5: 14-15) poses no small internal wrestling match. I do not want to appear arrogant, prideful or like “I have it all together”—I do not! I have no desire to hear the bullying comments so many are subjected to because individuals feel superior and free to express whatever comes to mind in whatever manner they see as “ok,” regardless of the tone and in wording, that in fact wounds very deeply. The LORD however told me months ago they are His words not mine and they are to be used for His glory not mine and if I stay close to Him He will not allow any hint of arrogance or pride to creep into me. Still, I have resisted. To obey half way is to be disobedient. He cannot enlarge my territory (I Chronicles 4:9-10, the prayer of Jabez) for Him if I am unwilling to do as He instructs. So here it is. Honestly, I am scared and want to cry at the thought of what may be coming. The Christian community is not the nicest group of people of the planet. We are known for being judgemental, arrogant, “holier than thou,” and an array of other not so complimentary adjectives. The church is the “only army that shoots its wounded,” and guess what? We are all wounded, critically wounded without Jesus. Those outside the Christian community think, “I wish these Christians would stop trying to shove this religion stuff down my throat.” The true reality is this: I have something God has done for me and I want to share this. It is my good news!
My spiritual battle plan is summed up by one passage of Scripture: Proverbs 1:2-5
Staying close to The Father and listening to the wisdom of others will help me write and give God the glory He deserves for all He has done in my life. I have been contentious and battling life long contentions with myself. The Greek for contentions is eritheia and means “places self interest above what the LORD declares right or what is good for others.” I have long argued with both myself and the Lord for self preservation and staying in my comfort zone. Jesus was clear in His directives to the disciples found in Matthew 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, and Luke 9:24: “Those who try to gain their own life will lose it; but those who lose their life for my sake will gain it.” I cannot self protect and follow Christ at the same time. Let me just call my contentiousness what it is: an abomination to the Lord. (Proverbs 6:19) So, the Lord says to me as He said to Jeremiah: Therefore I will yet contend with you,” declares the Lord, “And with your sons’ sons I will contend. (Jeremiah 2:9) When Jacob contended he walked with a limp the rest of his life. (Genesis 32:22-32) The LORD will prevail and I am teaching my children, granddaughters, and others by my example–be it positive or negative.
Lord, please turn up the heat only high enough to remove this from my life and free me to let your light shine brighter and reflect You more. (Matthew 5:15)
It is time to stop arguing with the LORD and myself.
Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested. I Chronicles 4:10
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0M3X3_pFD4
Good Fight by Unspoken
Yvonne H. Jones
