Anticipatory Grief

David’s Prayer of Pardon and Confession

II Samuel 12:15b-24a And the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife bore to David, and it became very ill. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, “Indeed, while the child was still alive, we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!” When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead.

Is The Child Dead?

Therefore David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” and they said, “He is dead.” So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate.

Can I Bring Him Back?

Then his servants said to him, “What is this that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive, but when the child died, you arose and ate food.” So he said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who can tell whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live.’ But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” Then David comforted Bathsheba his wife……

CLOCK IS TICKING

I do not pretend to understand all the lessons found in these verses. God is sovereign and in control of life and death; I accept that. Furthermore, I accept our actions can have dire and devastating consequences not only to ourselves but those we love. What’s more, I know the pain of watching loved ones pass from this life and I know that being reunited is for a distant future. This story perfectly illustrates anticipatory grief: The knowledge that a loved one will soon leave this earth and be gone from among us. David knew his child was going to die. God told him so through the prophet Nathan. (II Sam 12:14) At that moment the impending doom of death settled over David’s household.

Waiting on the Inevitable

This kind of grief is seen in hospital rooms, nursing homes, and in homes every day. Hospice cares for the dying. From the revelation that a loved one will soon take their last breath until the last breath is taken is the period of anticipatory grief. First, it is a time of good-byes. Secondly, it is a time of pleading with God for a reprieve, a healing. Lastly, it is a time of making amends, letting go, making arrangements for those left behind. These times are bitter sweet. Senses have heightened awareness. The mind captures images that will long be remembered. Photos are made. Memories shared. Promises given to meet again. Questions long needing to be asked, asked and answers provided.

Fast,Pray,Weep, Trust God

David the King, fasted, prayed, wept, and trusted God. Anticipatory grief does this. Food loses its flavor and sticks in the throat. Tears form rivers spilling over lids and coursing down cheeks. Knees are bent, sometime for the first time in decades, seeking the face and hand of God. Dying is not supposed to be normal–especially in a child!

FAITH IS ALL YOU HAVE

Because David had great faith, he left the outcome in God’s hands. He trusted what Isaiah would write later, “The righteous perishes, and no man takes it to heart; merciful men are taken away, while no one considers that the righteous is taken away from evil. He shall enter into peace; they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness.” (Isaiah 57:1-2) This child was not the only child David would mourn. He wrote Psalm 51 following the death of his infant son. The time he spent seeking God was time well spent. He accepted The LORD’s Word and was able to comfort others from all he had learned in the LORD’s presence and the comfort God had given to him. (II Cor 1:3-5)