Childhood Losses
Massimo Stanzione [Public domain]
ORPHANED
There is no mention in scripture of Zacharias and Elizabeth, parents of John the Baptist, after this time. It seems because they were “well advanced in years,” they probably died leaving John, the cousin of Jesus, an orphan at some point after he turned 12. Like many children who are orphaned it appears he struck out on his own and lived “hand to mouth” in the deserts learning to “live off the land.” John lacks social graces of the time (Matthew 3:4, Mark 1:6) and did not continue his education as a priest, like his father Zacharias, but was taught by the Holy Spirit and became a Nazarite prophet: the passionate prophet who heralded the arrival of Messiah. (Matthew 3:1-3, Mark 1:4-5)
What does the loss of both parents do to a child? I know what the loss of one parent did to this teen and her siblings. It destroyed our imagined security. It stole away the provisions we had always enjoyed. It caused a cloud of grief to settle upon us and its rain and wind continue to periodically howl. It shattered a family and changed the dynamics of interaction among us. Gone were the traditions, hopes, dreams, and imagined futures of our family. Life became uncertain and fears found fertile soil for rooting.
John, the cousin of Jesus, was not as “refined” as Jesus. Jesus still had his mom when He was crucified. He still had her love, support, and tenderness. John faced life alone from all we can tell from Scripture. This loneliness though used by God was still difficult and molded his personality. John spent life misunderstood, yet Jesus said there was no man greater. (Matthew 11:11) John died alone in a prison cell……………..(Mark 6:27-29)
CONTINUAL, REPEATED LOSS
When a child loses loved ones through death, the mourning may begin immediately or be delayed and then is revisited as the child grows, matures, and reaches milestones without the presence of the loved one(s). Often, what is lost is the knowledge of social expectations, manners, customs, and history. Instead of being like their peers, they become awkward, socially deficient, and sometimes unruly. The grief process rears its ugly head. Again and again at each stage of development and its expression is based on the developmental stage.
When my Daddy died, I was eighteen. He missed my high school graduation, my engagement, my wedding, my graduation from nursing school, the birth of my children and granddaughters, and was not available to me when I needed him most in times of sickness and the deaths of other friends and family. I grieved him when he died that clear, crisp December morning. I grieved him when he was not around for the officer and gentleman to ask for my hand in marriage. I grieved him when he could not walk me down the aisle. I grieved when he was unable to see how much my son looks like him and even bears his cowlick and stoicism. I grieve he was not part of my children’s lives. I grieved him when my mom died, and I have grieved him every year at Christmas time. The grief expression changes over time as one grows and matures. It lasts less time as time marches on, but it is still gut wrenching grief.
VULNERABLE
Childhood loss leaves children very vulnerable and the younger they are the more vulnerable they become. This was true in my family. My younger siblings suffered a great deal more than I, but grieve we all did and at times still do. For like John, we too are now orphaned. (I don’t care how old you are, when both parents are lost from your life through death, you are orphaned.) No wonder James the brother of Jesus wrote, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
THE FATHER’S CARE
Children around the globe become orphaned every day. They must begin a life of caring for younger siblings, eeking out survival by stealing food, rummaging through garbage of others thrown away food, clothes, and discarded items, and they give up hope of education or they are transported to a new home where all is foreign and strange. Yet, like John, they are used by God in ways they could not imagine.
Loss during childhood is not lost to the Heavenly Father. He sees, He hears, He feels. He is still a good, good Father and His eyes are on you!
Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin
Heavenly Father,
You are our good, good Father and we adore You. Thank you for loving us and using us in Your kingdom and making us your sons and daughters with all the rights and privileges of Christ.
Today, we pray for all those who are orphaned and grieving the loss of earthly parents, or siblings, and friends. Lord, as orphans our friends become our family and we ask You to bless them for sharing their lives with us through the years and helping us become all You created us to be. Give us a heart for the grieving. May we be reminded, we all grieve for our banishment from the Garden and long to go Home. May we see poor behavior as grief expressed and be compassionate and forgiving. Thank you for the reminder, “We take our frustrations out on those we love the most,” and sometimes Father, this is you. Forgive us when we take from Your hand only that which we deem as good and spurn what we see as bad. Lord, help us to open our hands to ALL your blessings! In Jesus beautiful name we pray. Amen
https://thefabricofhope.com/ Fabric of Hope, Inc. – Support Network for Children’s Homes in Romania
The Fabric of Hope is totally committed to this ministry alone. 100% of all donations given through The Fabric of Hope go directly to the House of Hope and no administrative costs are deducted. The children alone are the beneficiaries.
Always Enough by Casting Crowns
Further Reading
https://www.treadingwatertiljesuscomes.com/2018/06/20/steel-magnolias/
AMEN!!!
I cannot imagine losing a parent at a young age. Hard enough as an adult. My heart breaks for those who never had a relationship with a parent. No wonder there is so much anger in our world as children are neglected by parents. Father, wrap Your love around the orphaned and neglected. Provide for and strengthen the caregivers of the orphans. God bless you and your family Von. 💕