Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Casting Crowns  Scars in Heaven

Scars in Heavens Casting Crowns

Alone

I sat in church. ALONE. This is the way it has been for fourteen long years. Since May of 1972, I had been accompanied by my soul mate. But, from July 2007 till now I have been going solo. Heaven gained a treasure and this earth lost a gem of a human being.

Widows –Alone together

As I sat waiting for the service to start, I saw the woman on my right, my first acquaintance in my new city, and a lady behind me. The one on the right has been a widow (I HATE THAT WORD) for going on two years, and the one directly behind me became a widow during the first covid outbreak.

I am very aware of the silent tears they weep during the music, and at the close of the service. My own grief knows all too well the pain of missing the half of you that makes you feel whole. My usual instinct is to reach out and touch or hug. Or it was…..

Even Kindness Hurts

During the early days of my bereavement, I was leaving church one Sunday, and being a very transparent person (I HATE THIS), my sweet friend attempted to give me a hug. I am a hugger and normally this would have been very welcomed. I had, however, noticed that any small gesture of kindness would turn on the “waterworks.” I pleaded with her, “Please don’t be nice to me….”

Unexpected moments

What happened next is forever embedded into my heart and the gesture will go down as an all-time favorite memory. Why? Because it made me laugh!!! Instead of becoming a weeping willow, pathetic sap, I laughed out loud. Something I had not done in months.

The Widow Wop

Her response to my request was what I have come to call the “widow wop.” You see, instead of a hug, she punched me in the arm and said, “OK, I won’t be nice, I will be mean.” She had the warmest, most understanding smile. Several others saw it and I am sure they wondered at the entire dialogue. But trust me, it is as precious as gold to me.

So, it became a catchphrase for my friends when times were hard and emotions wanted to brim. We collectively will say, “Don’t be nice to me.” The meaning is clear: I am treading on very thin ice and it will take very little to crack me wide open!

Passing it on

So, Sunday, I wopped my new friend in the arm. She looked at me and broke out laughing!  Her countenance changed because she understood that I knew her pain and that I was giving her a reason to redirect her focus! After church, she said, “What was that?” I said, “The Widow Wop!” I then shared the story and ended with a “Pass it on to others.”

One is the loneliest number 

Three Dog Night sang about one being a lonely number and it most assuredly is. I don’t like it one bit! Things I once took for granted now make life difficult. Like getting the back off of my watch to change the battery. Mechanical, I am not! So, I will have to find someone to help me. UGH!!!!!

Mourning turned to Laughter

The Bible tells us to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Some would argue being wopped in the arm is not sharing in mourning. But it is! It is an understanding of the need to laugh when all you want to do is hide in the dark. “Laughter is good medicine and does a heart GOOD!” (Proverbs 17:22)

 

Music, laughter, and fellowship are required to dig out of the pit of despair. Be that person to reach out and TOUCH a weary soul (widow, widower, orphan, childless parent). Grief is not depression but it can sure lead to depression if left in isolation!

 

BeBe Winans  Laughter https://youtu.be/pv0EeJVKCkc

 

Ruth 2:11

Boaz replied to her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law after the death of your husband has been fully reported to me, and how you left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and came to a people that you did not previously know.

 

Source: https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Self-Sacrifice

 

Lisa, THANK YOU! I will NEVER forget your instituting the Widow Wop! This memory makes me smile, every time.

 

Yvonne H. Jones

 

Also read: https://www.treadingwatertiljesuscomes.com/2015/10/28/fear-not-widowhood-27/  by Yvonne Jones